“Woah! What’s this bag from?”

“Huh?” I look up from a book as my wife enters the living room.

“This bag is full of cash!”

“Where was it?”

“In the closet, on the floor. Is this yours?” She inquires.

“I don’t think so. I converted everything to dogecoin last year.”

Prompt: the talk-show host

“Dude, you’re a talk-show host. How could you ever be this afraid of talking to someone? I literally can’t understand.”

“Well on the show I’m putting on an act. Performing. Playing a role. It’s not who I really am. This is real!”

“Well break out your chops, cause here she comes.”

The Applebees waitress approaches the low-lit booth, “How are we doing over here?”

“Actually, my friend here has something to say.”

“Umm, yes.” Nervously stammering, “I asked for n-no m-mayo on my sandwich.”

“Paul! What are you doing in there?”

From the other room in the roach motel, “I’m about to go on assignment. Just go the roachmail about it.”

“Again? Where are you going this time?”

Remorsefully I say, “The Roosevelt.”

“What?!? That’s suicide! They know no roach can make it in there! Let alone starting an infestation from nothing! They can’t do this to you!”

“I know dear. But I took an oath when I joined Roach Fleet to boldly go where no roach has been before. So go I must, live long and prosper Moira.”

1 cup canned crushed tomatoes

1/2 cup roasted red peppers

1/4 cup diced green chiles

1 tbs taco seasoning

1/2 tbs garlic powder

1/4 tps red pepper flakes

1 1/2 lbs raw chicken

  1. combine ingredients into crock pot. cook on high 3–4 hours.
  2. shred chicken with forks.
  3. leave in fridge overnight.
  4. eat for breakfast with eggs and potatoes on the day of your wedding w/ refried beans.

(optional: wear an adult diaper so you don’t ruin your wedding suit/dress)

Prompt: a man jumps from the 40th story of a building. As he’s passing the 28th floor, he hears a phone ring and regrets that he jumped. Why?

Step up. Step down.

Step up. Step down.

Step up. Step down.

Step up. Step down.

Step up. Francois pauses on the…

Eric Yoder

I'm cool, but I'm also 98.6 degrees. Never mind.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store